


now I'm running home to you through the icy dawn (painted in that golden hew of the rising sun)

by somniatoressinespe



Category: Runaways (Comics), Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, also, band au, enjoy, i also made them soulmates because i can, you can rip the fact that karolina dean listens to dad music from my cold dead hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-21 02:47:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17634590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somniatoressinespe/pseuds/somniatoressinespe
Summary: The room goes dark.She hears her before she sees her, a raspy voice that sends chills down her spine, “Hello everyone, we're 'Lucy in the Sky'. We'll keep you company this fine evening thanks to the beautiful angel who owns this place, so be sure to buy a few drinks to pay her back,” the crowd laughs, charmed instantly,  “anyway, this is 'Cherry Wine'.”The guitar starts to play something soft and melancholic, the girl sings, and the world stops turning on its axis.She lifts her eyes.Oh.Oh.or "nico is in a band and has no chill"





	now I'm running home to you through the icy dawn (painted in that golden hew of the rising sun)

It's difficult to say when it all started, everything is always more than a beginning, an ending.

Maybe it started at eight, when her mom threw piano lessons at her, just as she threw violin lessons at Amy, to have something to distract them, something to put on college's applications. Maybe it started at twelve when she couldn't play the piece her mom wanted her to play, and she could see the disappointment in her eyes and thin smile.

Or maybe it started at fourteen, when Amy killed herself, unopened college's letters still on her desk, because it turned out that being the golden child was just as restraining and suffocating as being the one in the shadows. Who would have guessed that having or not having your mother attention had the same result in the end?

Maybe it started at sixteen when she bought a guitar off a senior in her high school and started to learn, just to have something to do, something to escape the silence in her house. The first weeks her fingers hurt. She couldn't hold the shape of chords without it ringing wrong. Then she got better, until she could play with the same familiarity with which she could play the piano. Something she hasn't, will not touch in years.

To be honest she doesn't really know when it started, but she knows how. She knows how she got into this band with Alex and Victor, and how they managed to snag a record deal when they were nineteen, when they still used to play in crappy bars and practically live in Victor's mom's van. But here they are- here she is- recording their second album in sunny L.A. Or they would be if only they could write something decent, instead of “overused lines” and...

“Why not a E minor, instead?” a voice says from the chair in the corner.

“Nobody asked you, Wilder.” She snaps, glaring over her shoulder at the boy.

“I mean, this really doesn't work without a E minor tying it all up.”

“Shut up, Wilder,” grumbles Victor from where he's lying, head smushed in the couch pillows, “Nobody cares about all that fancy music theory shit you've studied at your fancy high school. We play dirty rock not classical music.”

“Can't break the rules if you don't know them, Victor.”

“Why don't you both shut up instead?” yells Nico, frustrated, from her spot on the floor, “No wonder it's all shit if you keep bickering like a couple of old married people. Whatever,” she gets up from the floor and stretches, “it's late and I'm done for today, if you need me you know better than to try and find me.”

As she gets out of the door she hears the two boys keep arguing about the essence of rock, of punk, and the importance of music theory. It's the same discussion they have every single time they disagree on a song, or a band, and they'd had it so many times she could probably act it all out. It's crazy how much they knew each other, but that's what happens in a band, and at the end of the day they have to stick together even when they want to kill each other- if Nico and Alex's third break up didn't shatter them, nothing else ever will.

It's also kind of scary, how close they are.

She puts on her leather jacket and braves the chilly spring night breeze, it's no New York, but Nico has never liked the cold- even the Californian type of cold. She rubs her hands together, shoving them in her pockets, and starts wandering in the streets around the studio- which unfortunately resides in the hipster side of town, well hipster-er. It's full of barber shops with sailor decals on the windows and coffee shops with “industrial” make overs. But it's also full of live music bars, and today she feels nostalgic for shitty beer and even shittier singers.

She keeps walking, scouring the bar and club names, waiting for something to catch her eye. She's about to give up when she see a small wooden door and a sign spelling out “Old Lace” in neon purple hanging over it, it's more intriguing than the last three nightclubs she passed, so she opens the door and gets in.

The first thing she sees after going down a narrow staircase is the wooden counter, vintage and stained by old age and alcohol, then she takes in all the little booths lining up the walls, the green leather couches and the armchairs upholstered with dark red velvet. It's cosy, but also interesting. The dimmed lights give the place an atmosphere, the only bright light in the bar is another purple neon sign over the counter that spells out the name of the bar. It looks as if a speak-easy and an Irish pub had a child. A child that sure liked neon signs very much.

She walks around the place. It's lively, but not too crowed. There's enough people to blend in, but also not enough that it's a challenge to sit on a stool at the counter. She orders a beer from the bartender- who has purple hair, and she's sensing a theme here- and waits, playing with the damp label on the bottle.

The room goes dark.

She hears her before she sees her, a raspy voice that sends chills down her spine, “Hello everyone, we're 'Lucy in the Sky'. We'll keep you company this fine evening thanks to the beautiful angel who owns this place, so be sure to buy a few drinks to pay her back,” the crowd laughs, charmed instantly, “anyway, this is 'Cherry Wine'.”

The guitar starts to play something soft and melancholic, the girl sings, and the world stops turning on its axis.

She lifts her eyes.

Oh.

 _Oh_.

The girl is gorgeous, unbelievably pretty. A long blonde braid falls on her left shoulder, strands of hair frame her face, accentuating her jawline, her long neck. She's wearing a sheer, white cardigan over a sleeveless crop top and high waisted jeans. She's tall and fit, Nico can see the definition of her shoulders, her arms. And her voice... her voice is haunting. It's like a siren's song and Nico is drowning in the sound, sinking, drawn to her, consumed by her.

She doesn't mind.

It's as if lighting has struck her, she needs to write, the most inspired she felt in weeks. She frantically searches for her phone, opens the notes app, jots every thought down. She can already hear the melody, the slow, methodical rhythm of the bass, the lilt of the words as the line end one in the other like a tide.

She isn't ready for the song to end, but when it does she claps with the rest of the bar. Then the second song starts, and it's different. There's a guy she hadn't noticed behind the girl, sitting on a cajòn. He starts playing a beat, reminiscent of folk and old country music. The girl joins him, strumming her guitar to the rhythm. This time they sing together, harmonizing in the refrain. She sips her beer, and listens.

She pays attention to the way the singer commands the room without even trying, the way she wraps her hands around the microphone when there's a lull in the melody and she sings only accompanied by the guy steady beat, the way she looks so comfortable even when people start to approach closer to the makeshift stage, the way she's _only_ using female pronouns in all the songs.

The set ends all too soon. The girl says one last goodbye to the crowd through the cheers and then they're gone. She finds herself somehow on the edge of the stool, as if she was about to stand up and follow them. She shakes her head at herself turning around to face the counter, and finishes her beer, wondering what the hell just happened to her.

“They're amazing, aren't they?” says a girl to her left. She looks way too young to be in a bar, sporting a weird cat-eared hat and a colourful T-shirt, and she looks also too enthusiastic for Nico to just shot down, so she smiles at her. She's about to open her mouth to agree with the girl when she blinks once, twice.

“You're Nico Minoru!” she yelps, “I'm your biggest fan! Oh my god, I can't believe this, you're really here, can I get an autograph? What are you doing here? Oh my god, oh my god, Gert will not believe this...”

This has never happened to Nico before. Sure, she's kinda famous, but never enough to be recognized with a glance or while walking in the streets, never with this much excitement. But this, this is completely new. Jury's still out on whether she likes it or not. She hopes her life will not become full of star-eyed girls looking up at her like this one is doing, she can't deal with that sort of pressure. Someone cuts in, stopping the girl in the middle of her rant.

“Believe what?” asks the bartender who had served her before- whose name is Gert apparently.

Before the girl can continue rambling, Nico puts a hand on her arm stopping her. She glances around her to see if anyone had heard her.

“Yeah, yeah, it's me. Can you keep it down, though?”

The girl seems about to jump up and down in excitement and ramble some more, when someone chuckles behind her.

“Don't worry, people in here like to pretend to be too cool to fawn over famous people. Especially rock stars,” says the singer from before, “I'm Karolina. I like your music. Not as much as Molly over here, though.”  
  
The girl, Karolina, is way taller up close, and way prettier too. Her eyes are so blue, like the ocean she resembles when singing, deep and infinite. She smiles as she waits for Nico to talk, oh god, Nico _talk_.

“Hey,” her voice cracks, she coughs praying she isn't blushing like an idiot, “you were really good up there.”

“Thanks,” Karolina tucks a lock that had escaped her braid behind her ear, and smiles widely, “it means a lot coming from someone who plays like you do.”

 _The way you sing, it's not something I was prepared for,_ she wants to say, _and I thought I was prepared for anything when it comes to music,_ but Nico just turns to the bouncy girl, Molly, grabbing a napkin from the counter, “Do you have a Sharpie?”

The bartender hands her one, and Nico signs the napkin. Molly looks so thrilled she might start to vibrate out of existence, she folds the napkin to put it in her pocket and rushes through a thousand thank you's.

“Can I buy you a drink?” Karolina says.

Nico blinks, taken aback, “Oh, it's not necessary really, I can pay for it.”

 _What is wrong with you,_ she thinks, _a pretty girl offers to buy you a drink and you say that? No wonder you're single, Minoru._

“No, no, I insist. It's the least I can do, and it's on the house anyway, musicians don't pay for drinks in here, right Gert?” she smiles cheekily at Gert, who huffs rolling her eyes.

“You take way too much advantage of my good intentions and friendship, Dean.”

She asks for another beer, and sees Karolina eye her choice, and then ask for the same. Molly tries to order a whiskey on the rocks, but the glare Gert sends her way confirms her suspicions that the girl may be too young to drink- or even _be_ \- in a bar.

Karolina just keeps staring at her with this glint in her eyes as if she's waiting for her next move, it's making her kind of nervous, but she also wants to keep her eyes on her forever. She looks so innocent, the perfect girl to introduce to your parents, and all Nico wants to do is corrupt her. Nico feels as if she was a moth, drawn to Karolina's light. It's hypnotizing. She wants to be the one to root her on the spot with one glance. The girl seems so much more than she lets on and Nico wants to unravel her, unveil her. She wants- she wants...

“You've been playing long?” she asks instead of doing something stupid, like propose or something.

Karolina opens her mouth, about to answer, when the other guy who was playing with her before plumps down on the stool next to Nico's, sighing loudly. The others look used by it, as if it's somewhat normal to fling oneself dramatically over furniture like a 60's movies actress, as if they've known each other long enough that- to them- it is, antics they're now just amused by. Or maybe they look amused because of how Nico is looking at him, startled. Gert just places another beer on the counter for him, smiling almost fondly at him- which is... interesting, coming from someone who looks so stoic- and he only lifts his head long enough to send her a dumb looking smile- which is more interesting. She files away the information for later.

“So, what happened to him this time?” asks Gert without looking at them, busy cleaning a glass.

“He's just being a drama queen as usual. He's upset because he couldn't buy tickets to some concert,” says Karolina, sipping from her bottle unfazed by her friend entrance- she sets down the beer a moment later and never picks it up after, playing with the label instead.

“Some concert? _Some_ concert? It's more than just a concert, it's an experience. Dazzler is a _powerhouse_ , and I'm going to miss it because you had to do an encore and my guy gave the tickets to someone else, and now I've lost the chance to see her, and who knows when she'll come here again.”

“C'mon Chase it's not like we live in the middle of nowhere, like Minnesota or something, it's L.A., she'll come another time soon enough,” tries to comfort him Molly, but the only answer from the boy is another groan. It's quite a miserable sight, really, and maybe this could be her chance to see Karolina again after tonight. So Nico speaks up.

“You know, I could help.”

“Oh, yeah? How?” he asks sarcastically, and for the first time since he sat down, he actually looks at her. _One, two, three and..._ “You're on Molly's bedroom walls.”

“I sometimes go by Nico,” Chase blushes and Karolina laughs, Nico just smirks, “and I also happen to know Dazzler, we go way back... we're supposed to open her concert next Saturday at the 'Hostel' and I have some spare tickets. If you're all interested,” she directs the last part to Karolina and Molly, who smile pretty eagerly at her. Chase looks this close to crying, staring at her as if she had offered to give him an all-paid expenses vacation to Hawaii and not some spare tickets that would have probably ended up in the trash by next weekend.

“Why don't you give Karolina your phone number?” Gert says, smiling sweetly in Karolina direction- who for some reason looks ready to murder the bartender- “To send her the details, I mean.” Nico decides in that moment that she likes Gert, very much.

“Yeah, that'd be cool.”

Karolina stops glaring at Gert and lifts her hand, motioning for Nico's phone. She smirks instead and grabs Karolina arm, writing her number on it with the Sharpie still on the counter. When she looks up, Karolina's blushing and Gert looks impressed. It feels like a victory.

After that things relax, she drinks and talks with Karolina and the others, or just watch the old friends interact. She likes how Gert serves people and interjects in their conversation with sarcastic comments without losing a beat, how they all seem so in sink with each other.

She discovers that Molly is Gert adopted little sister, hence why she could be in the bar despite being only eighteen, that they've all known each other since high school, that Gert bought the bar after she decided college wasn't for her after all, while Karolina and Chase are studying to become social workers. That despite the obvious pining, Chase and Gert weren't together- when she made _that_ assumption they had both blushed and stuttered while Karolina and Molly laughed. That “Lucy in the Sky” was born a few years after Gert bought the bar, when she had needed someone to play when another band had ditched her. Karolina smiles when she tells the story, saying something about happy incidents and fate, while Gert makes faces behind her head.

It's fun in a way she hadn't had in a while, it's laughter and lightness in a way that had always escaped Nico, and soon it's over, the bar closing. Karolina walks her outside and waits with her for her Lyft, while the others close down.

Karolina looks out of this world beautiful under the purple neon light of the bar sign, under the moonlight, as if she belonged in between constellations and galaxies, and Nico _wants_ , she wants, she wants- but it's too soon, too much. She's ruined relationships before by rushing into things, without considering the steps, without thinking about the consequences, she understands the importance of waiting now. So she steps back. Refrains herself from kissing her. She gives her a hug and a smile, instead. She doesn't notice Karolina disappointed face.

As she gets in the car, she thinks about Karolina and fated meetings, thinks about philosophy, and fate, and what's written in the stars. She never liked the notion of providence, or of predestination, never liked the concept of not being in control of her actions, but how else can she describe tonight, if not as destiny?

The next two days are so busy, between studio sessions and rehearsals and sound-checks for the concert, that she really shouldn't even have the time to obsess over the reasons why Karolina hasn't texted.

And yet.

She knows Alex and Victor are worried about all the time she spends glaring at her phone in between breaks, they keep exchanging glances behind her back- as if she couldn't notice them- and she knows they probably think it's because of her mom or some other shit with her parents, and that she should tell them it's not about that. But Nico is too busy retracing her every step, recalling over and over what she could have done wrong the other night, to even try and explain what had happened to them- and even if she could it's weird to talk about these things with someone you've kissed and someone that's her brother in all but blood.

So that's how she ends up grumpily staring at the tv while musing why she hadn't just asked for Karolina's number instead of being so extra and writing it on her arm, or why she hadn't just kissed her, when her phone pings in her hand.

 **Unknown (17.33):** _hey, is this nico? this is karolina, from the bar._

She adds the contact number instantly. Now, since subtlety hadn't worked very well with Karolina last time...

**You (17.33):** _hey_

**You (17.34):** _was waiting for u to text_

There.

 **Karolina (17.36):** _oh, sorry for the wait then. We still up for saturday?_

**You (17.37):** _yeah ill talk to security so u can come bts before the show_

**You (17.37):** _if u want_

She waits, fidgeting with the phone in her hands. She's never been so nervous texting someone, it's ridiculous really. The phone pings again.

 **Karolina (17.42):** _can't wait :))_

She smiles wide as they continue to text. Were she in a movie she'd probably clutch the phone to her chest or some shit. Only she isn't in a movie, or alone for that matter, she's sitting on their apartment couch, pretending to watch tv with the others, and the guys are now looking at her as if she'd grown a second head. Then they share a look.

She knows that look.

In an instant Alex has her smushed against the sofa, as Victor takes her phone jumping off the couch. She screams, trying to throw Alex off- who's just _laughing_ , the psycho- while Victor scrolls down her chat with Karolina.

“Stop fucking creeping on my text, you little shit, those are private,” she screams while she keeps thrashing underneath Alex, “and if you don't climb off my back this instant, Wilder, I will have your head!”

“We all know that privacy doesn't exist in a band, cariño,” says Victor without even looking up from her phone, “also it's your damn fault for having the same password for your phone since you were, like what-- seventeen? Now, who's this Karolina and do we get to meet her Saturday?”

“No, you don't!”

“But yes, we do,” he sing-songs, “since you're bringing her to our show.”

“If you embarrass me, I swear to god...”

“Tell me when we have ever embarrassed you,” Alex says, now poking her cheeks, still on her back, “beside as your ex-boyfriend” he gestures to himself and then Victor while sitting up, taking most of his weight from Nico's back, “and self proclaimed wingman, we have to approve of your new-” he yelps as Nico throws him finally on the floor. When she sits up, Alex is looking at her with a hand on his chest and a betrayed look on his face. She rolls her eyes fondly, stands up and slap Victor's head while taking her phone back.

 _Boys_.

She goes to her room, slamming the door in their faces. God, she loves them both but they're such pain in the ass. She throws herself on the bed, reading Karolina's last text.

She can't wait for Saturday night.

They keep talking after that, flirting- or at least, Nico's flirting. Karolina is just as fascinating as her voice implied and so, so much more than just her voice, her looks. She's passionate about her field of study, she's passionate about her future job. 'Lucy in the Sky' is just for fun- she tells her once- she isn't chasing the spotlight, isn't trying to be famous, she knows what celebrity looks like and she doesn't like it, she just wants to play.

One night, Nico decides to be brave and calls her. They talk until morning, about everything and nothing and what's left in between. People never keep her attention for long, she's gotten good at pinning folks down, at sizing them up before they can do the same to her. Karolina's different. Unexpected. And so Nico is nervous.

She's never nervous.

Not before shows, not because of boys, never so much because of a girl either. Alex is on the loveseat with his girlfriend Livvie, staring at her with a mixture of amusement and annoyance, completely unbothered by his supposedly _best friend_ panicking and walking around the backstage room changing T-shirt after T-shirt, not even offering an opinion or a suggestion, mind you. At least she has Livvie, who's trying to help instead of just sitting there judging. Her phone vibrates in her pocket, and Nico doesn't whip it out the instant it does, she's cooler than that.

(Except she really, really isn't and she does whip it out so fast it almost falls out of her hands. Whatever.)

**Karolina (18.57):** _we're running late, so so sorry, we'll be there in like 30 min_

Great. More time to panic.

“Will you calm down and stop pacing? You're going to nail the show, and she'll think you're the next best thing since sliced bread,” Victor says from his spot on the floor, where he's tapping a beat against his leg with his drumsticks, and as much as it pains Nico to admit, Victor's right. Pacing won't do her any good, so she stops, puts on the shirt she has in her hand, and flops on the armchair next to the loveseat, picking up her guitar from the case, fiddling with the strings.

“God, this girl really did a number on you, uh? I don't get it.”

“Shut up, Mancha.”

They keep bickering and playing around on their instruments, or in Victor's case his leg, until there's a knock on the door and a security guy pops in, asking if he should let in a girl named Karolina. She stumbles to her feet, nodding, and he lets the group in. Nico smiles and gestures for them to get in.

“Okay guys, so these are Karolina, Molly, Gert and Chase,” she points at each of them while she says their name, then she turns to the others, “and these are Victor, Alex and Livvie,”

“Oh, _now_ I get it.”

“Shut up, Mancha.” Nico says at the same time as Karolina asks, “Get what?”

“Nothing, he's delirious,” Nico glares at Victor until he lifts up his hands, surrendering, “anyway, how come you arrived so late?”

“Karolina took ages choosing an outfit and doing her hair,” answer Gert from where she's standing next to Chase, “and then Molly couldn't decide between the cat hat and the rabbit one.”

“Yeah, I went rabbit, you like it?”

“It's cute.”

“I did _not_ take forever, excuse you,” Karolina bristles, “I took a reasonable time, if anything it's your boy who took too long in the shower.”

“He's not my-”

“We aren't- not that I wouldn't- I mean-”

“Is he having an aneurysm? He's _very_ red.” Livvie calls concerned from the couch.

Chase is saved by a stage crew member calling them to go play. Karolina sends a smile her way and squeezes her hand when she walks by her, reassurance not particularly needed- she was born for this, to do this- but very much sweet.

When she steps on stage, everything is quiet. The lights shine on her, on the giant banner with their name, 'Runaways', behind her shoulder. She embraces her guitar. She knows this. It's been her life for three years, and it feels solid and unbreakable. She likes herself best when she's standing in front of a crowd, when every note she sings comes out like she meant it to, when she's in control of everything trusting that Victor and Alex control what she can't. Music is safe, music is what she does best, music is her freedom. She steps forward, and sings.

After they finish opening, she leaves the guys in the backstage room and goes to wander a bit around the 'Hostel'. Dazzler is crushing it tonight, as always, pumping her music through every heart in the room, and Nico is free to roam for a bit. Most of the crowd is made up of Dazzler fans, so she's not assaulted by screaming people as she walks around the place.

This was one of the first places she'd ever played in when they first started, their first tour date. She loves this place, it used to be a proper theatre once upon a time, but now they converted one half of it into a club, while the other is still used for plays- a soul split in two. She walks to the back. Outside there's a spot where she can always bum a cigarette. She wades through the crowd, dodging through dancing people and drunk people- a lot of drunk people. But when she comes out, she finds Karolina there sitting on a bench looking at the stars, a glass and a bottle on the ground near her feet. She sits near her, not close enough to touch but close enough she can feel Karolina's warmth.

“Can I offer you a drink?”

“I thought you'd be inside.”

“Nah, I've already seen who I came to see.”

“Really? You don't look a lot like a fan,” she shakes her head hastily, “I'm sorry that came out rude. I just meant-- you don't look like my typical fans, and you certainly didn't act starstruck like Molly the other night. Not that I want you to be starstruck. Oh god, stop me now please.”

Karolina laughs- she has a pretty laugh, Nico notices not for the first time, almost as pretty as her.

“It's fine I know what you meant. I suppose I'm not really what you'd categorize as a fan. I didn't lie though, I do like some of your stuff, but it's like the less angry stuff, you know? Not that the angry stuff isn't great, it's very raw, but--”

“To be honest half the time I don't even like the older 'angry stuff', so I'll take it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Some of the songs of the album are really old. Some I've written when I was like fifteen, almost right after my sister had passed away. I'm not ashamed of them, but I want to get past the anger, you know? I want-- this is going to sound so stupid...” Karolina makes an encouraging sound, so she continues, “the way I see it, when I write a song I tell a story. Of me, of my life, but it's not really just a story. It's a slice of feeling, of my feelings. I guess it seems to me that if I get stuck in a song, I can't get past those feelings ever. I don't want to get stuck in that anger.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

And the thing is, Nico believes Karolina really does get it. Maybe that's what brings them together, this pull she feels. They're similar in the only ways that matter, she saw it when she had heard her sing. They both say too much on a stage and they both hide outside of it- Karolina behind a smile and bubbly surface, Nico behind dark make-up and sarcasm. But she doesn't want to hide with Karolina, she just wants to know her, and to be known in return.

“You know, I've never asked, why 'Lucy in the Sky'?”

“It was- still is, really- my favourite song, before... my father and I used to listen to all these old records on this wacky record player he kept in the garage, I always liked 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds' best. Of course I didn't know at the time what the title actually stood for, but it stuck. Those afternoons... it's how I prefer to remember him.”

“Oh, did he-- is he... dead?”

“No, no. It's just-- My mom didn't take it well when I came out and my dad did nothing,” she sighs but doesn't look sad, only resigned, “we still talk, but it's strained.”

Karolina looks so small, and Nico just wants to take this whole mess of a conversation back.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pried.”

“It's my fault, really, I drank vodka. It makes me nostalgic. But I did want to tell you. I want to tell you a lot of things.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Nico scoots closer to Karolina, until their knees are touching, resting her head on Karolina's shoulder. They stay like that until Nico start shivering. Karolina stands up, bringing Nico with her, and they make their way inside again. They find their friends backstage, laughing and joking around. As she sit with Karolina, almost on top of Karolina if we're being honest- sharing the armchair because all the other spots are taken and Victor refuses to stop slouching on the couch, that little shit. Having Karolina pressed up against her is both a blessing and a curse.

She hopes the night never ends.

When it does, Karolina bends down and kisses her cheek before slipping out of the room. Nico does not touch the spot reverently as soon as Karolina is out of sight.

(She totally does.)

The weeks that follow are a blur of lyrics written down in spurs, loose paper and instruments scattered around the apartment. So what if most of what she scribbles down on the pages is a half written love letter, so what if it's all about blue eyes and pink lips. It's the best she has written since Amy, since her last break up with Alex, but for once she's not stuck in an emotion, or in a narrative. She's not throwing herself at a wall, she's standing in front of an ocean of possibilities and it feels good. It feels right. If only she could decide where to go with the music, it'd be fantastic.

She's so busy, but at least her schedule is flexible. She had never been happier that she had made the renovators soundproof every room in the apartment, because she's been playing day and night and she _really_ doubts her neighbours would appreciate it much.

She had also made frequent trips to 'Old Lace' in the meantime, sometimes with Alex and Victor, sometimes alone. She likes the bar, she likes chatting with Gert, she likes getting to see Karolina who's there most nights. Sometimes 'Lucy in the Sky' plays, and Nico feels butterflies in her stomach when Karolina finds her in the crowd and it seems like she's singing only to her. Sometimes they just stay in a booth for hours, only her and Karolina, talking and laughing and drinking- she takes note of how Karolina always gets a beer but never drinks more than a couple sips of it pulling faces whenever she did.

They haven't hung out much lately, though, because she's been so busy with their album and Karolina's been busy with classes and exams. They haven't managed to see each other in a week, which is, in Nico's honest opinion, bullshit. That's how she finds herself standing in front of the building where Karolina's class is, waiting with two coffees and hoping that Karolina will find the gesture sweet and not stalkerish. _Is it stalkerish?_

She doesn’t have time to freak out about that because Karolina is getting out of the building, talking and smiling with a tall, black person. A very pretty, _extremely_ tall person- _is everyone in this city over 5'6''?_ And Nico feels like dropping her coffee and going back home- this weird sick feeling stirring in her gut- when Karolina spots her. She grins wide and bright as soon as she does, and jogs her way across the street to her, waving her hand.

“What are you doing here?!”

“I knew this was your last class of the day and thought you could use some coffee as a pick me up?” she says, voice raising unsure in a question at the end, while offering her the cup.

“You're an angel, c'mon I want to introduce you to Xavin. They're my classmate, they can be quite blunt but they're very sweet,” Karolina takes the coffee in one hand and her hand in the other and tugs her to where they're still standing, staring intently at their clasped hands, a carefully blank look on their face. _Don't worry, buddy, the feeling is mutual,_ she thinks.

“Xavin, this is Nico. Nico, Xavin.”

“Pleasure,” they don't offer a hand, neither does she.

“Sure.”

“Karolina talks a lot about you,” they pause, looking at her up and down, “you're very small.”

“Funny, she has never mentioned _you_ before today,” Nico says, taking a slow sip of her coffee, and using all of her intimidation skills to glare Xavin into another dimension.

Safe to say, it doesn't work, and they're still standing too close to Karolina for Nico's comfort, so she pulls her best I'll-kill-you-in-your-sleep-face and says, “This has been... fun but we have to get going, bye.”

She grips Karolina hand tighter and half tugs her away from tall, dark and handsome, leaving them in her dust. Karolina who has to jog only for a second to keep up to Nico's fast pace- _tall_ people, ugh- looking at her with a very confused face. It'd be funny if it wasn't so adorable, and if Nico was a bit less jealous at the moment.

“What's the hurry? Slow down, also how did you guess my order right?”

“Texted Chase. And it's a surprise.”

“Really?” she sounds part incredulous, part excited.

 _Nope, I actually have absolutely no plan. I was jealous and wanted to get you away from Xavin- who's too tall and pretty to be a real human being, by the way,_ it's what she doesn't say, she smiles instead and keeps holding her hand, leading them to her car. Whatever, she's gotten good at flying by the seat of her pants, she'll improvise.

In the end, they end up at the Griffith observatory with a bag of Chinese food and a couple of cokes. They choose a spot in the grass that overlooks the city and sit on a blanket that thankfully Nico had found buried in her trunk. They eat and catch up, watching the city light up as it gets darker, and then watching the stars. They're lying on the blanket trying to find the few constellations Nico can name, when Karolina speaks up.

“I'm really glad you showed up today. I missed you. I know we haven't been fr-- haven't know each other long, but it feels as if I knew you forever.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. It feels as if I could talk to you about anything, and you'd understand.”

“Yeah,”

She turns to smile at her, and for a second the stars align, the world stops, and Nico just wants to kiss her. She has the strangest sense of deja-vu, like she'd already stared once at Karolina under the night sky and felt the magnitude of the universe, and the weight of it lifted from her shoulders with a smile, and Nico wants to kiss her. She's about to, leaning closer to Karolina, when a ringtone breaks the silence and the moment. Nico sits up immediately, scrambling to get her phone, and hangs up the moment she sees the caller ID. Karolina sits up too, scooting closer to Nico.

“Who was it?”

“My mother.”

“Are you-- is everything alright?”

“Yeah, no, I don't know. Last time we spoke it wasn't exactly... pleasant. We disagreed.”

“On what?”

“On Amy's death. On my career choices.”

“Oh,” she pauses, brings her arm over her shoulder and gives her a gentle one armed hug, “do you want to talk about it?”

“There's not much to say, I blame her, she believes I'm wasting my life... our last conversation didn't end well,” she scoffs, “nor have the past dozen.”

She remembers one they had when she was seventeen, when her mom had caught her in the piano room, sitting on the stool, staring at nothing.

_(“Did you know I used to play?” Nico jumped, startled._

_“It's true,” Tina continued, “my father made all of us learn, I used to hate how he insisted that we practiced every day. Then, later, I was grateful. But now it doesn't matter anymore, does it?”_

_“No, I suppose it doesn't.” Nico answered._

_“Was I wrong? To push you so much? I thought you were like me, or maybe the problem was that you're too much like me.”)_

She doesn't want to be like her mother, but she knows that in ways she is. She's cold, and impulsive, and she pushes people away when they get too close. Karolina just stares at her with tender eyes, as if she knows what she's thinking and she deeply disagrees. She wouldn't be surprised if she did, Karolina amazes her like that. They stay quiet for a while, until Karolina lies again against the ground, looks up at the stars. Nico turns to watch her, waiting.

“Did I ever tell you about the first time I ever saw you live?” she starts, still not looking at her.

“I didn't know any of your songs,” she continues, “I was only there because of Molly since Gert had to work. It must have been like what-- three, two years ago. I was struggling with myself, and what to do in university, how to come out to my parents- and we both know how well that ended up.” She chuckles bitterly then, harsh and resentful, and so out of character for Karolina.

“But then I saw you, so in control on the stage, I remember thinking you moved like water, like smoke... I don't know... you were so _captivating_ , commanding that stage. I remember a fan passing you a bi pride flag, and you didn't shy away one second, you just took it and wrapped it around yourself and in that moment I admired you. Because you weren't afraid to be yourself, because you were so unapologetically you. Your music is so important, it helps people, it helped me. You gave me the courage to live as who I am. And for that I am and will always be so very grateful to you.”

Karolina looks up at her then- unstoppable, unyielding, unbreakable- her eyes burning with passion and admiration and words that have been left unsaid for too long. Nico knows she has the same look in her eyes.

It's beautiful, she thinks, this side of Karolina, the one she shows when she stops pretending to be always fine, the one she knows she shows to almost nobody; one could forget how much goes behind a smile, behind such a carefully constructed mask, but it's there. She knows how difficult it is for Karolina to make herself vulnerable, she understand the gift it is to see her when she opens up like this.

So Nico lies down next to Karolina again, takes her hand in hers. And they stay like that, looking at the stars on a fuzzy blanket in the middle of Griffith Park.

Later, they're walking towards the car, Nico still holding tightly to Karolina's hand. She doesn't want to let go. She muses how far she could drive using just one hand- it's not like she has to drive stick, she doesn't _need_ the other hand, really. When Karolina stops her, tugging at her hand softly. She turns, questions in her eyes, and Karolina kisses her.

It starts soft, more like a memory of a kiss, than a kiss itself. Then Karolina pushes forward, puts a hand on the small of her back, draws her in until there's no space left between them, until they're so close she can feel her heart beat in Karolina's chest. Karolina kisses her as if she were made of glass, and she wasn't afraid to crack her, shatter her until all that's left is dust at her feet- Nico would let her. When she breaks the kiss, Nico gets on her tip toes to follow her, reels her in another time, like a tide receding and dancing with the moon. She brushes their noses together, kisses her deeper, and deeper, until they have to break apart to breathe.

“Wow.”

“Sorry, I just wanted to do this for a really long time.”

Nico tucks a strand of Karolina's hair behind her ear, and she smiles looking at her black lipstick smeared on Karolina's lips, marking her. It feels so right, like fate. As if it had always been written in the stars they'd meet, as if somehow Karolina had always resided in her ribcage next to her heart and she was finally home. Nico intertwines their fingers, hooks her other hand behind Karolina's neck and pulls her as close as humanly possible, kissing her again under the moonlight, until they're both winded again.

“Believe me, I'm not complaining.”

She tugs her down and kisses her slowly one more time, just because she can. And then she kisses her again, and again, and again.

She brings Karolina home high on her lips, on her hands, on her kisses.

When she gets to her apartment, she walks up to her room still in a daze. It's a mess of papers scattered around, lines scratched and rewritten. She looks at all those words she wrote about Karolina, and wonders how it could take her so long to realize it.

Here's how she does.

She realizes it while wearing Karolina's flannel, that she lent her because she was cold earlier- it smells like her, like lavender and flowers, and the bright yellow is definitely a weird match with the rest of her outfit, but she doesn't _care_. She realizes it when Karolina kisses her on the cheek- softly oh so softly- while getting out of the car. She realizes it when she gets in her house, still thinking about the way Karolina looked under the moonlight. She realizes it when she gets home and notices she's still wearing her flannel bringing it to her nose to smell Karolina's scent. She should have realized it months ago, when she saw her sing for the first time, when they spoke for the first time, when she couldn't stop herself from writing about her, her lips, her eyes- she didn't know, she didn't _know_ , how could she not know? How far out of touch with her feelings can she be that she didn't realize it until now?

She's in love with her.

She loves her. She loves her when she sings, and she charms the whole room with her voice. She loves her when she laughs at Nico's terrible, dry humour. She loves her when she's quiet and she looks like she carries the world on her shoulders, when she's loud and she looks so weightless it seems she could light up in rainbows and fly.

She loves her, and now she only needs to tell her.

She stays up all night, putting together all the pieces of a song she didn't even realize she had been writing since the moment she'd met her. That's how Alex finds her at 5 a.m., on the ground with a pen and her acoustic guitar on her knee, her first guitar.

“So this is serious, uh?”

“I don't know what you mean.”

“I mean that the room may be soundproofed, but if you leave the door open, we can still hear you. And what I heard sounded very close to a love song.”

“So what if it is, you're insinuating something, Wilder?”

“Nothing, nothing. Just-- I'm happy for you.”

There's a beat, another, then she relinquishes and tells him.

“She makes me so happy, Alex. She makes me smile and laugh... and what if I ruin it?”

“You won't.”

“But what if I _do_? I ruined us.” Alex hugs her, and she buries her face into his shoulder, eyes stinging with regret and unshed tears.

“You didn't ruin us, we're still us. We just weren't good for each other like that. But you have Karolina, and I have Livvie, and we're still us.”

“God, Alex I love her so much it's ridiculous.”

“I know. So... will you let me hear what you're working on?”

She pulls away from him, sitting up on the bed, embracing her guitar again.

“I'm not sure of the chorus yet, but for now I've got this.”

She starts to play the melody that had haunted since the night she'd met Karolina, she taps her foot to the rhythm and sings quietly to Alex the first lines, only to be interrupted by him.

“Wait, I need my bass for this,” he runs off to his room and comes back with his case, taking out the beaten up dark blue instrument.

She starts again and they work together, pulling the song apart and sewing it back together, again and again and again, until it flows naturally from their fingers, like liquid gold spun from thin air. They slow it down, so that the bass line thumps in time with their hearts- she wonders if they could pull off using a violin in the background, maybe a piano, then thinks better of it. She won't live in the past.

They wake up Victor at 11 a.m. by jumping on his bed like they did when they were younger, drag him to his drums in the studio and make him listen to the song. They spend the rest of the day curved on their instruments, like they used to do when they first started in Victor’s garage after school, when music was as easy as breathing and they had fun with it, no record labels to please or critics to impress. She'd missed it, she really, really did.

They end the night by ordering pizza and watching shitty B-movies with terrible plots and even terrible special effects. Not that Nico is paying any attention to them to notice, opting to text Karolina instead, who keeps sending her cat memes captioned with a 'that's you'. She wants to see her again soon, wants to take her on a _planned_ date, want to kiss her, and hold her, and kiss her again.

They go out on two other proper dates, before the song is completed and she is happy with it. Then another one, before their manager reminds them that they had been scheduled by the label to do a brief live session next Sunday, almost two weeks from now, to promote their new songs. It's not difficult to manipulate him into bringing Karolina's song as one of their new singles, Alex spouting some shit about opening their music to the wider public while Victor throws his head back and complains about selling out to the masses. It's a bit more complicated to convince him to change locations and do the session at Gert's bar, but they manage after some bribing and promises of good behaviour during the concert, and the 'Runaways' are set to play there in a week with a set-list of five songs, two of their old ones, a cover, and the two new singles to be released.

She tries to mention the concert to Karolina a few times, but chickens out every time. Maybe she should just-- no. No cop outs. She resolves to ask her by the end of the week.

(She doesn't.)

She has never dreaded, and at the same time anticipated, a concert more. She makes Alex and Victor wake up at 9 every day to attend rehearsals, makes them practice the set-list until they have it perfected, makes them play the song over and over and over. Everything has to be perfect. She doesn't notice how much she has pushed them until they snap four days before the concert, and practically throw her out of the apartment because they needed a break. The last thing she hears before the door slams in her face is Victor yelling to go to Karolina's and leave them alone.

So that's what she does. She heads over to Karolina's place, picking up some coffee for herself on the way, buys some flowers for Karolina too, both annoyed at the boys for pulling such a move and happy to go see Karolina after not having hang out together in a few days. And the fact she still needed to invite her to the concert, the concert where she planned to tell Karolina she loved her, and therefore Karolina's presence was _kinda_ fundamental for the plan to work.

She climbs the stairs in twos, almost running up them. She knocks on the door, there's a dull thud from the other side and a muttered curse. She holds back a laugh. Then the door is thrown open, Karolina's face grumpy until she sees Nico standing in front of her with a bunch of flowers in her arms. She lights up and hugs her, careful not to squish the flowers.

“Nico! What are you doing here?”

She presses a light kiss on her lips before answering.

“Hi, I wanted to surprise you.”

“And you brought flowers... I didn't peg you to be such a romantic when we met, what would your fans say?

“I can go if you want...”

She pretends to turn away, but doesn't go far as Karolina grabs her arm and turns her around again bringing her inside, closing the door, and in one fluid movement kissing her against it, light and teasing. She really doesn't mind being pressed between the door and Karolina's body- she'd want to explore better this position when her hands are free, though. Karolina pulls away taking the flowers from Nico's hands, and taking one of the vases lining up on a shelf in the kitchen. Nico follows her inside the room.  
  
The place is lovely. It's not very big- the kitchen and the living room coexisting in the same space- and she can see only another two doors from where she's standing. She knows Karolina can afford a bigger one- parental guilt can bring you far in life in terms of money, she would know something about that- but it's very cosy. The first thing she notices is how bright it is inside, the sun warming every surface. There are a lot of plants all around the place, small and big, some hanging from the ceiling and other left on windowsills. Paintings and pictures are hung on the walls, some with frames some without, naked canvas against the white walls. It's all very... Karolina. Sunny and beautiful.

Karolina turns back to her, flowers in her arms, and she's suddenly struck by the realization of how gorgeous she looks surrounded by sunlight, her hair a golden halo and her eyes so blue they look silver. It's breathtaking.

She waits for Karolina to set the vase down, then she backs her down slowly against the counter, presses against her, and kisses her.

It's like grasping for breath in the deep of the ocean, a reflex to try and breathe when she knows she'll only drown, but she can't help it. She pushes close, close, close. Karolina's hands wander until they grasp her thighs gently, asking for permission. Nico nods hastily, starts kissing her jaw while Karolina lifts her up and turns, hoisting her on the counter. She steps in between Nico's legs and kisses her again heated and burning. Nico moans against her mouth, grasps at her shirt desperately. Before things can go farther, she slows them down, brings them to a halt. Karolina looks at her panting slightly, lips red and swollen and stained with purple lipstick, long blonde hair mussed and wild- and Nico's whole body urges her to kiss her again, but she didn't come here for a booty call, she came to invite her to the concert.

She leans back a bit, Karolina still pressed against her, but the touch a little less intoxicating. She tries a nonchalant approach, knows she's failing immediately when Karolina just sends her an amused look.

“Sooo, I actually came here with a mission.”

“Do tell.”

“There's this live session we have to do this Sunday, to record a few songs. There'll be a little crowd, but it'll only be made up of our label employees and some critics... nothing too big. But I was wondering if you'd like to come? You can bring the others, too.”

“I'd love to, Nico.”

“Oh, yeah? Grand,” she blushes _\- who even says grand?-_ Karolina stares amused down at her.

She offers her the tickets with badly concealed anticipation, and she takes them with a look, obviously aware of Nico tremendous attempt at playing it cool, but playing along all the same.

“Now that your mission is complete, I was about to see a stupid rom-com when you knocked. Care to join me?”

“Lead the way, Dean.”

They spend the rest of the day watching movies and making out on the couch. Karolina shows her her collections of old vinyl records, half inherited from her father collection and half bought in thrift shops and stands at festivals. She makes fun of her for having the same taste in music as a Texan straight white dude, a mix of old country and classic rock, spanning between Creedence Clearwater Revival and the Eagles- though she does find a shiny new Hayley Kiyoko's album next to a beaten up 'Yellow Submarine'.

When it gets late enough that the sun disappears in a sea of red and yellow, she reluctantly takes her leave, resisting the temptation to just _stay_. She kisses Karolina softly near the door, once, twice, before leaving giddy and happy.  
  
When the night of the session comes, she's not nervous anymore. Karolina and the others arrive on time for once, but the band's too busy with sound-checks and rehearsals to invite the group to come backstage to hang out.

There's not many people in the crowd, as she had predicted. She doesn't know if she finds the fake almost intimacy better or worst.

They start the set, playing with ease every song. When she exchanges her electric guitar for her acoustic one and they play the cover of 'Cherry Wine' she can imagine Karolina's reaction, the way her eyes would widen, her mouth hang just a tiny bit open. She hopes she's surprised her. She hopes she likes her rendition of the piece.

As the fourth song ends, she finally looks into the crowd looking for Karolina. She spots her near the back, standing with Chase, Molly and Gert next to the counter- or in Gert's case behind the counter. They make eye contact and she swears for a moment everything falls apart, and they're the only ones in the room. She turns to Alex and Victor, and they smile ready at her. Okay. Let's do this.

“Alright, this one is our last song, it's a bit slower-- I know, I know, we're a dirty rock band, but I meet this girl,” the small crowd cheers and she laughs, “yeah, yeah, I know, she said she likes our 'less angry stuff' best, so I wrote this for her. Hope you like it.”

Victor gives them the beat, she takes a breath and sings.

After, she waits for Karolina outside the back exit of the bar. This time, though, she actually manages to put a cigarette to her lips. She's about to light it up when a hand stops her

“You _smoke_? That's a shame.”

She turns smiling to Karolina, “yeah, but only sometimes after a show. And never enough to ruin my voice, don't worry.”

“It's a beautiful voice, sure, but that's not what I meant,” she says, approaching her slowly, like a tiger in the moment leading up to a leap, “I meant it's a shame that I cannot kiss you, now. I really, _really_  hate the taste of cigarettes.”

“Oh, in that case I quit.” Nico throws the bum down without even taking a drag, stepping on it with her combat boots' heel, then she throws the packet in a bin nearby without hesitation- Karolina laughs and gets closer still. She puts a hand on Nico's cheek, bends down slowly and leans close.

“Just like that?”

“For you? Yes.” she answers, lips a breath apart, she closes the gap and kisses her.

It's electric, as usual. Nico doesn't know if she'll ever get used to kissing Karolina, but she hopes she never does. It'd be a tragedy if when they kissed her heart didn't skip a beat, if her lips didn't tingle, if she stopped wanting to get closer, closer, closer. Karolina pulls away, and Nico chases her lips, not wanting the kiss to end. Karolina pushes her back slightly, gently.

“Wait, wait, wait-- did you mean what you said? Did you really write that song for me?”

Nico looks in her eyes, she smiles nervously but she nods, “I could write a thousand songs for you, Karolina. I love you.”

Karolina's smile spreads bit by bit, it's so bright she thinks she's looking directly at the sun, and Karolina kisses her again, slowly, softly. Nico smiles into the kiss too, until more than kissing they're just pressing their grinning mouths together, Nico pulls away with a small laugh.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

“That's my line.”

“It's a good line,” Nico kisses her once more, tugging her lightly towards the entrance of the bar, “c'mon, you can get something you actually like instead of a beer, I swear I won't judge you if your drink of choice is pink and sparkly.” Karolina blushes.

“You noticed that?”

Nico just laughs.

Karolina ends up getting a cider, her lips taste almost too sickeningly sweet when she kisses them.

She doesn't mind.

They're so in their own world, they don't even pick up on the moment her band and Karolina's friends find them at the booth where they've hidden, too wrapped up in each other to notice anything else but each other. If Alex whistles or makes a crude comment, or Gert smirks, she doesn't even acknowledge it, too busy being around Karolina, existing in her proximity.

 _I think that,_ Karolina will say, years later, _that night- when we first met in Gert's bar, when it all started- I was singing to you, only to you, without even realizing it... I think that I was always met to find you, that I've always found you- in all my lives, in every single one. I think we've always belonged to each other._

And what else can she do, if not agree with her.


End file.
